FYI

Just by way of update, to explain my absence from this forum...for the past several days I have been pinned down in something of a servile insurrection on one of my many estates around the world. It all began Friday evening, as I ordered my manservant Boffo to bring me an iced tea with two slices of lemon and a cube of sugar. Boffo, drunken lout that he is, brought my tea, but with only one slice of lemon and two cubes of sugar! I am sure you can all agree that an example needed to be made, so I ordered him to be immediately caned in punishment. This should have been a simple enough task, but the Godforsaken caner decided at that moment to have a crisis of his pathetic conscience! I immediately ordered the caning of both offenders, but by this point a crowd of servants had gathered and become quite rowdy, and before I knew it my private security forces were whisking me into the villa's strongroom before the mob could get its filthy hands upon me.

Anyway, that was Friday, and as of this writing the situation has devolved into trench warfare on the grounds of the estate. Several feints and prods over the weekend failed to produce any change in the situation, though there was a terrifying period on Saturday when, without servants available to prepare and deliver our afternoon lemonade, we were struck with such weakness that I thought surely we would be overrun. Fortunately we managed to train my prize hounds to mix and deliver the beverages, but I am absolutely disgusted at wasting my fine hounds on what should be the work of servants! I had planned a mustard gas strike earlier today, only to find that my canisters of World War I-era mustard gas had degraded to the point of uselessness. So we are still locked in a stalemate.

If any of you kind Decent Folks out there could see your way clear to lending me a battalion or so of your private security forces, it would go a long way toward resolving this situation. I thank you for your consideration. I have been updating the situation with more frequency via Twitter.